7 degrees of separation

Since this is actually my first blog, I think I better write bout myself. Honestly speaking, I've never thought growing up would be so difficult until I went back to Malaysia last summer. I had to change my driver's license. Only at that time I realized that the picture I used for my driver's license was the one I took for my MRSM application form. I can't help myself as laughed from ear to ear coz I look like a "budak hingusan". As u can see, at 15 I only had a thin mustache.
For my new driver's license, obviously I'm not gonna use my "budak hingusan" pic. It's embarassing. If the police see it, they'll laugh their asses off. Well fuck them. It's not that I give a shit bout the police anyways,the thing is even I'm embarassed just looking at that picture. So, getting a new picture for my license was a must and that's what I did.
After getting the picture, I compared it to the 15 year old pic. I was like "what the fuck!! Those 2 don't look the same at all. Their like 2 different guys." I was shocked. In 7 years there could be so much difference. That person on the left is just a kid while the one on the right is a man, with a macho goatie (haha goatie mahal tuh). Damn! I didn't realize I grew up so fast.
I mean for fuck's sake, even my facial structure changed. Ok maybe I gained a little weight after going back but that was only 5 kilos. My total was like 70 kilos but when I was 15 my weight was like 55 or something. Cut me some slack ok, I haven't been back home for 2 1/2 years and I don't katok some more. Breakfast mkn nasi lemak supper telan mee goreng. Obviously I was gonna get fatter aaa. Even my mother told me to jaga my weight. As I recalled, when I was 15, my mother always told me to eat a lot coz I was so fucking thin. What the fuck man, you're the one who told me to eat (I didn't really say that to my mom if that's what u'r thinkin'). Anyways, since ramadan I've lost all those 5 kilos of fat so I'm back to myself again (sendiri claim kurus).
Back to my pics. After doing a bit of thinking, I realized that back then I had no responsibility at all. Everything just goes by the day. Hidup melepak je. Study pon last minute. I was lucky to get straight A's for PMR. I realized during the process of changing between those 2 periods, there were many decisions I had to make on my own. Even going to MRSM PC was a big step for me. I was going to represent my school for cross-country running on the day I was supposed to register for the school. Being the youngest in the family made it even harder.
I had to choose whether or not I wanna be a smoker. This wasn't that hard coz I remember what my mother told me when I was in standard 6, " Kalau mama jumpe Hisyam hisap rokok, mmg siap aaa". My mom is not the type of person u wanna mess with. Rotan tuh dah manjadik perkare biase for me. Going to the US was a big deal too. My parents didn't wanna let me go and wanted me to study locally. I mean why would I study in UTM with a comfortable loan from MARA when JPA is giving me a scholarship to study overseas?
I want to save the best for last. Between those 7 gruelling years, there have been achievements to my credit. Straight A's for PMR, 8 A's for SPM and sports too ... in cross country running. Even when I met Cikgu Fauzi (he was my PJK teacher in MRSM PC) in KL after graduating from high school, he didn't remember my name but he called me 'Raja Marathon' . And the list goes on blah blah blah. Maybe I can put those in my resume or something but those achievements aren't the one I'm proud of.
If any of u know, I couldn't pronounce the letter 'R' until I was about 16 years old. The fact that my forst name Badrul had an r in it made it even worse. Something like 'Badwooll' would come out of my mouth. Everytime I introduced myself in class those ass holes (my classmates) would laugh at me (I hope they'll burn in hell!!). U don't know how it feels like to be laughed by 45 students ok. Trust me on this one. It really fucked up my self esteem. Nak cakap dlm class pon malu. Obviously isn't it? Why would I open my mouth if people are gonna laugh at me? I remembered that when first entered MRSM PC, Asrif was my deskmate, and I couldn't pronounce his name. So I called him Omar (his name is Asrif Omar so ...). I was the only one who called him that and somehow calling him Omar made him feel uncomfortable. Hmm maybe he got a gay vibe from me I guess haha. Anyways after about a month in PC, somehow my tongue pulled a rabbit out of a hat or something. Tibe2 boley pronounce 'R' and it was historical. For the first time in my life I was able to pronounce my own fuckin' name the right way. It was fuckin' magical. I was going 'rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr' everytime there's an 'r' in a word to the point where it was annoying. Well at that time, I really didn't give a fuck coz being able to say my name the right way ... I don't know how to say this .. the most important thing that happened in my life ??
Maybe to u it's lame but when people laughed at u coz u can't pronounce ur own name ... damn. It's suicidal. It makes u feel like a loser. But when that day came, I was like .. I felt like I wanted to cry. But I didn't. It's not macho laa for guys to cry. People will think u'r a pussy (no offence to feminists). I don't care what u people think of my best achievement, coz to me what I feel inside is most important. Right now, just by remembering that moment makes me feel like I'm on top of the world and I'm so fuckin proud of it.